Meet My New Friend, Anger. Everyone say “Hi!”

For a very long time, anger was forbidden in my mind.

I really really did my best to avoid angry people. I did not like to get angry. I did not like people to get angry with me. Anger was WRONG. Why can’t they just handle themselves civilly? Bless their Hearts.

Recently, through counseling and other learning, I started to get more in touch with my feeling and I discovered that anger is just another emotion on the emotion wheel. Just like joy and sadness.

Then… I realized that for me, anger is a beacon that tells me when something else is going on. Something deeper. Something harder.

I learned that anger is a coping mechanism so I don’t have to feel the “other” thing behind it. Anger usually means that I have something bigger and rawer under it. It’s a dog standing between me and the scary thing, teeth bared.

I’ll share my experience… Maybe you can relate. Maybe I’m just weird. We’ve got a 50/50 shot.

For me anger is the emotion that I can handle feeling — instead of the pain of rejection and abandonment. Instead, it’s simple. I’m “just mad”.

It’s *easier* for me to be angry than to look at THE thing.

Anger also shows up to help me cope with grief when the hurt is too big. I see this a lot in the people that I love too. There’s a reason anger is one of the 5 stages of grief. It’s trying to help us survive things that just aren’t fair. Things our brains just can’t handle. Again, anger steps up to help us survive the unimaginable.

Anger also tries to protect and distract me when I feel unsafe or like I have no control. I can get angry at *things* and try to micro-manage and control (for instance my husband’s actions) — rather than feeling like I have no control over a situation like with our selling the house. Because that’s easier to feel. “I’m irritated. Annoyed.” Which is yucky to admit but it’s what I’ve done. Instead of looking deeper at the unknown and what that will be like and facing the real reason I feel unsettled. Silly Me, it’s because I’m literally unsettled. That’s why. Things will work out for the best. Or they won’t. Either way, there will be a resolution.

So now, I’m learning to love my anger and thank it. It showed me where there might be more I need to do to find peace.

I am ready to sit with my anger and become friends with it.

After all, it has been just trying to protect me. Like a puppy would from something bigger and scarier. And I love puppies.

It was just trying to keep me safe.

Thank you, Anger. I appreciate you. And you can go now. I’ve got this.

Much much love.

N